I have heard that some people are upset that I was able to do something like the Tour Divide, despite the fact that I was too injured to continue my career as a police officer. I'll be honest and say that it irks me to no end to hear that people are talking trash about my disability and it kinda makes me want to throat punch takedown somebody.
However, it is probably better that I don't.... a criminal record doesn't bode well for my possibilities at getting a medical license down the road. Therefore I have decide to write a post about why I chose to do the Tour and the effects of my disability. If there are people out there that still don't believe me consider this; the police department that I used to work for fired me because they believed my injury was real and kept me from being able to work as a cop.... IT WASN'T MY CHOICE.
Here is the story from the beginning.....
In 2009 I was working as a police officer. I had volunteered to go to a traffic fatality that was out of my area and help with the scene instead of taking my lunch break. I was parked in my patrol car on the highway, which we had shut down for the investigation, and working on paper work. A vehicle traveling down the highway drove through the traffic control pattern that we had set up and into the back of my patrol car.
Needless to say I was in quite a bit of pain and the collision rung my bell pretty good. After other officers arrived one of them had to grab ahold of me because I had wandered out into the lanes of traffic that were open on the highway. I was transported to the hospital and seen by a physician. At the time it seemed like I was just suffering 'whip lash' and that I would be fine.
I went home and was sore but after a two days I realized that my lower back was feeling worse. After three days I knew something was really wrong. I made an appointment with the physician that the ER doc referred me to.
Long story short, an MRI showed that I had two severely herniated discs in my lower back. The discs were so badly herniated that they were damaging nerves. As the nerve damage progressed I developed severe pain along the area that the nerve innervated (my left glute, hamstring, calf, and foot).
The pain was bad but the worst part was the weakness that followed. I was only able to flex the muscles in my left leg at about 25% of what my right leg could muster. This lead to muscle atrophied or muscle wasting. My left leg became visibly smaller than my right leg, at worst my leg calf measured 1.5 inches smaller in diameter than my right calf. Before the accident I was a sponsored amateur triathlete, after I was so crippled I could hardly walk.
Even though the prognosis for my condition was bad, I was determined to get better... or at least be the best that I could.
After six to seven months of physical therapy my therapist suggested that I try riding my bike again and my doctor cleared me for it. Needless to say, I was psyched beyond belief to be getting back on two wheels. It would be GLORIOUS!
I put my road bike on the trainer, oiled up the chain, pumped up the tires and put on bike clothes that were entirely too small (thanks to all the weight I gained after half a year of laying in bed and eating). And then it was time.... finally time to ride!
I was slowly able to get my leg over the bike and get my left foot clipped in. (I lacked and still lack fine motor control of my foot so clipping in can be difficult.) Then I got my right foot clipped in. Spinning the tires, even in an easy gear was incredibly hard, due to muscle weakness, and sitting caused immense pain in my spine.
I gutted it out for as long as possible and I finally unclipped feeling proud that I actually gone for a ride if even for only a few minutes. That's when I looked down to see how long I had been riding.... I stared in disbelief at the time, thirty seconds. THIRTY. I thought I would never really ride again.
I continued to work at riding, physical therapy, and just plain psychological recovery. The accident had devastated every part of my being.
After several months I was finally able to ride for 30-45 minuets a few times a week. I decided to go for my first ride off the trainer. I called up my good friend Chuck and we went out for a little ride. My back was so sensitive to impact that I was actually riding my snowbike with low air pressure just to ease out the bumps (on pavement!).
As Chuck and I rode we talked about dream rides and he brought up The Tour Divide and a local guy Pete Bassinger that had raced it several times and done very well. And that is basically when the bug bit. All I could imagine was being well enough to endlessly ride my bike. I felt like I would be able loose the feeling of helplessness that my disability had given me if I was able to even attempt riding the divide.
I continued to ride my bike for physical therapy. I found that the weakness meant that I was pretty slow. Ok, ok, ok.... I was REALLY slow. However, I realized that I could ride for increasingly longer periods of time because I was going at an effort that was about 50% of my cardiovascular limit. This trend continued as my ability to ride improved.
I also learned that I could ride longer if I changed positions frequently on the bike and stretched. This turned into a routine that literally stayed with me all the way to the finish line of The Tour. I would get out of the saddle and stretch my back every three to five minutes as I was riding. That's stretching on the bike 12-20 times an hour all day long, or 240-400 moving stretch breaks a day on The Tour.
Training was challenging, both in that it was physically hard to ride but also that it was psychologically hard to ride knowing that I was riding so far below my previous level. But, I continued on seeking out a way to make myself feel less. Less pain. Less weakness. Less......... like a cripple.
I can't tell you how hard it is to be disabled. I can't pick up a bag of dog food. I can't drive over speed bumps faster than half a mile an hour. I can't swing a baseball bat. I can't bend at the waist very far. I won't even be able to pick up my kids once they weigh more than about 30 pounds.
BUT, I can still challenge myself. I can still be strong in my heart and my mind. I can still make myself better. I can still excel. I might not be able to get over my disability but I CAN get around it.
So that is the why. I did the tour because I needed to do it for me, I needed to feel like me again.
Oh yeah.... and a perfect excuse to buy tons of sweet gear didn't hurt either!
Stay tuned for more. I have tons of pics/videos and I am going to write up a day by day journal for the race. I also plan on reviewing my gear set up. I think I had one of the lighter rigs on the divide this year ( ~33 pounds) and I think some of the lessons I learned could be pretty helpful for others.
